Others?

Through getting to know a lot of other people at school and otherwise, I have began to wonder if other members of other racial groups have similar feelings toward their isolation as a member of that group, too. I know a lot of Asian girls who assimilate to white culture and only date outside of their race who are often faced with a lot of upset from fellow Asians and Asian guys. And I'm sure that there are even some white people who feel isolated from the white community, too. Perhaps I am biased, however, I still feel that being a member of the black community and not fitting in is a tougher situation and a little less common. After years of trying to "be more black" to fit in, I have found that I have lost a lot of interest in being surrounded with a lot of black people. Perhaps it is just around where I am from, but I find that 99% of the blacks around here have totally succumbed to the typical views of what a black person should be. Though I am no stranger to hip-hop, I am certainly more open to other hobbies and likes than just hip-hop and fried chicken (isn't that another stereotypical black fave?.. too bad I don't even eat meat).

Maybe the reason that I feel it is more difficult to feel isolated in the black community versus the white, latino, or Asian communities is because the stereotypical black person is all over the TV and air waves. I feel like I see the stereotypes everyday, constantly. Am I the only one who feels so awkward when I am with others and there is some ridiculous representation of black culture that becomes really popular? Like those ridiculous YouTube videos that are sooo insensitive and admittedly are often comedic. I mean, though they are funny and frequently based on some truth, I often cringe a little each time I see something that is so stereotypical.

Here's a perfect example, "Top 60 Ghetto Black Names":



I feel like blacks are joked very often and like the stereotypes are perpetuated so much more than other races. Perhaps I just notice more because these stereotypes are applied to me, but any thoughts?

Will It Be The Same?

My first best friends in kindergarten were two white girls whom I still keep in contact with today. After that, I became close to a girl who was Filipino but was from New Zealand, next was my tripod of black girl, Polish-Italian girl, and another fellow black girl. Then came my close relationship with a frenemy, if you will, who was Lebanese, and now I'm close with my best friend (and one of the most genuine friends I've ever had) whose Jewish. I list these past and current close friendships to lay out how many different type of friends I have had, and how diverse my group of friends was and still is. I was never the girl who only talked to black girls or only dated or was friends with black guys. Primarily because many of them felt I was too white for them. Go figure (see last entry).

I do wonder though, if at college I will find myself in situations where all different types of black people will be possible friends, and if I will associate with only people of my own background. When I go to college I want to be involved in a diversity club, and perhaps a black student group of some sort, too. I just always find (forgive me if I am wrong, or just generalizing, but a lot of times this is what I experience) that I am always ridiculed within my own racial group! I am tired of having random, foreign fingers fondle my hair and feel around my ponytail while asking "Is that your real hair?!" or being told "you have that good hair" and being viewed as 'snobby' because I am lighter than a lot of the deeper shades of brown within our culture. Sorry, but this has proven to not be to my liking. I don't know if the "is that a wig or a weave" question is only an elementary/secondary school type of encounter and if we, as a group, grow out of this ridiculous colorism or internal yearning for some sort of European features or... if this is just the way it is.

I am excited to go to college to find out, because it seems like the black students selected to attend my school (highly competitive, not a lot of diversity) are mainly selected because they are good at basketball or football. This leaves me with minimal black friends at my school, and only a few from younger years, or family members. Only one more year until I find out!

Eureka! You Really Do Act White!

I don't think I get "it". "It" being the way today's youth acts. Let me clarify. My ex-boyfriend attempted to proclaim that I "really do act white." While this expression of his bottled up emotions about how much I seem to act might have been rude (I hate that expression with the fiery of a thousand suns), it really was not that original. Sure, he might think he can justify his rudeness with saying, "oh, you know what I mean!" and "I was just kidding!"... come on now, who is he fooling? Does he genuinely think that he has just discovered and unveiled the most obscure observation on the face of this earth? I mean, does he really deserve to shout "Eureka!" at the top of his lungs? It's not that I have never been called white, or an Oreo before.

Clearly, I think that (while I took offense to his comment) "acting white" seems to be better than "acting black" at least as far as I can tell. If acting white means showing my intelligence, then: thanks for complimenting me, dear ex-boyfriend. However, I still think it suffices to say that both expressions are dumb and incredibly stereotypical. I do not think that anyone truly fits all of what their color supposedly says they should fit. Oh, and I'd also like to add that this ex of mine has no authority on the matter as he basically can check every box under the race/ethnicity category on applications.

Actual Beauty Standards for White Women

My last post made me wonder if it was simply the rather vast differences in appearance between typical traits of blacks and whites that controlled attraction factors (A.K.A. maybe Black isn't so beautiful). You've probably heard people say it before; "whites want to be just like us, they just don't want to be us. " I have to say to some extent I agree. Collagen/Restalyne to enlargen lips, tan their skin to become less pale, butt implants and breast implants to create a more curvy figure that is often associated with more ethnic races, like blacks.. no doubt. However, the part of the beauty standard that I am don't quite seem to think is attributed to the want to be black-esque, is that these traits are often found in all different people of color, like some Latinas, Asians, and Blacks. I think the white need to achieve these features through means of plastic surgery and/or other beauty regimes is more of a need to feel more exotic. Of course, that puts many natural black features in that same category as this desired look, but I'm not convinced it's purely any sort of self-"hatred" (if you will) on the part of the white spectrum or any sort of desire to be black or black-like alone. I seize to think white privilege is something many whites would love to dispose of anytime soon. Perhaps all us "minorities" should take the imitation as a form of flattery. Or perhaps we should test it by getting lipsuction to remove any traces of a curvy figure, get lip reductions, rhinoplasties to slim down our wider noses, and douse ourselves in SPF-30 while holding an umbrella to block the rays on the rare occassions we leave the house and see if we are allegedly copied again with our new less ethnic looks.

To further illustrate my point, that read this quote from 2005's Pretty Persuasion:

"I have respect for all races, but I'm very glad that I was born white. As a
woman, it's the best race to be. Especially if you want to become an actress, like I do. If I wasn't white, then the next thing I would wanna be is Asian. . . If I couldn't be white and I also couldn't be Asian, then my third choice would be African-American because I've always wanted to be a gospel singer and also, black men are more forgiving if your butt gets big. Except I'd definitely want light skin and Caucasian features like... Vanessa Williams or Halle Berry. . ."

Not White Enough.. Not Black Enough

It's safe to say that looking at my past history of attraction to different guys, that they were not interested mostly on the premise that I was not white. Being not just a girl, but a black girl is one of the hardest things to tackle (unfortunately) in life. The idea of trying to be something different seems to scream-- "trying to be white". White they say?! How is trying to simply mold my own interests in music, film, lifestyles,.... anything connotated with a color? This poses a problem for me, as the idea of beauty in the world is to be a blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl. Me, with my raven, wild curly afro (mostly donned in summer months, straighten throughout the year), dark-brown almost black almond-esque eyes, and caramel colored skin is practically the antithesis of what is beautiful to not just white guys, but most guys of all the different races, too.

So what's the antithesis of beauty supposed to do to get a date around here? Adapt to the typical stereotype of what it is to "act black"? Be incredibly forward as to let other races know you have interest? Settle for whatever you can get? Stay alone forever? I am at a lost as to what to do, and it depresses me often to know that to many minority men (who seem to often exhibit some sort of self-hate when they express that they "only date white girls") I am not as good or as great of a catch as a white girl (even if she is uneducated and less cultured than I am). I am someone who tries to give everyone a chance, and thinks all races have something that is coveted by me, and should be admired by all. Every race has its beauties and highlights, in my opinion. I will not put myself in a box to say I am only going to date X or only befriend X, Y, and Zs.

My personal experience with this topic stems most clearly from a highschool crush that has lasted throughout all four years of knowing him. He is tall, dark-haired, gorgeous, kind, athletic.. and by chance, w.h.i.t.e. To him, I am just "a friend", never to even be considered a possible option as anything more. It pains me that the amount of melanin in our skin can determine whether or not someone is suitable to befriend, date, or even smile at. My stupid obsession with him is pointless and has yielded me no results as to getting a date. Unfortunately, it may be the case of life as the antithesis of American Beauty.

Allow Me To Introduce...

Hello out there to all of you interested in the life of this "Not-So-Average-Black teenage girl". One event that made me realize how each adjective is crucially important in describing who I am to the world, was a meeting with the Diversity Council of my school. Our typical meetings consist of planning for various bake sales, or informational forums on different aspects of diversity amongst our community, and discussing interesting or new topics that relate to--you guessed it--diversity. We were asked to divide ourselves into what realm of classification we found to fit "who we are" and "what we're seen as to the world as" most clearly. Options being: A) Nationality, B) Age, C) Gender, and D) Ethnicity. Some divided into Group A, others to Groups B and C, however; most leaned towards the last group, Group D.

The decision to choose between being an American, teenage, female, of African descent was an interesting one, that led to me eventually deciding to choose the American column. See, one issue I find with the term "African-American", though I still use it if I feel the need to be "politically correct", is that I (and many other blacks, if I may proceed to claim) don't know shit about our ancestral African great-great-great-great grandfathers. No--not because no one has the ability to open a text or Wikipedia "Africa", but because often times American identity seems to precede our past of slavery and various stife. Not to say that I do not have the desire to know about them, I just simply have not had the chance to be doused in that part of my culture. In fact, the part of the term, "African-American" that seems to connect most Black Americans is the "-American" modifier. The typical stereotypes of blacks in America in fact, do not have much to do with Africa at all. Fried-Chicken-Eatin'-Red-Kool-Aid-Drinkin'-Gangsta-Talkin'-Criminals-With-New-Nike-Jordans-Spiffed-Up-White-As-New-While-Pushing-On-The-Brakes-Of-Our-Tricked-Out-Escalades-Sitting-On-24"s-All-While-Listening-To-Lean-Wit-It-Rock-Wit-It....... has no connection to Africa, as far as I can see.

The connection to being classified as an American (because all of that "wonderful" imagery conjures up visions of Black-American culture) seems to take precedence in my mind of how others view me. Of course my strong desire to try to open others' minds to the fact that stereotypes (though often rooted in some truth) do not and should not serve as the status quo for an entire group of people. Unfamiliarity is often what is the root of stereotypes, they could even be harmless or even comedic, however; it is when the steretype extends into that particular person and everyone else for that matter's mindsets. Anywho, aside from this mini-tangent of mine, I felt that the need to represent someone who tries to "defy" (though not claiming to be the perfect example) the stereotypes that are often very hurtful and even damaging to many people and their lives/communication efforts with others. So here I am... Not-Your-Average Black Girl. Thoughts, questions, and concerns all appreciated.